even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
