So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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