i think my tv is drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
