what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
