I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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