But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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