apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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