i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize