I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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