his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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