she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
