he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
