sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
