Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
