ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
