i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
