You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
