i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
