I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
