Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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