census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize