You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
