you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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