Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
