DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
