North Korea, Best Korea!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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