Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
