That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
