when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
