She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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