I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I understand Curling. That high.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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