I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hippo gnu deer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
