it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Someone signed my nipple.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
