plz talk dirty to me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
