I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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