You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
