cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
