is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
