girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
