Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
