Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
