No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
