She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
