The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
