Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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