Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
