I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
