Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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