It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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