Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
