4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
