Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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