i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
