I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
