Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
