So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
