pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
