I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
