So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
