i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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