I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
