i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so let's talk penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
