I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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