I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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