Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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