I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
