I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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