i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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