It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
