you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
