spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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