He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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