Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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