I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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