Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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