you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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