I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
