Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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