you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
