i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
